Friday, July 07, 2006
Supervillain Flunky Applications
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Ok.. So I was watching The Incredibles this morning and I really started to wonder...
First off.... let me just say that I should have been thinking of this before, with another movie, or comic book, I don't know why it struck me just now.
Alright, so... if you notice, as a general rule of thumb, superheroes, or the "good guys" tend to mostly be loners... Not have flunkies, lackies or workers. Perhaps sometimes they have super "friends", or belong to a super "gang", or you know have a headquarters where they meet at...or they're the rebel force.. But mostly, I would say that they kinda do shit by themselves, don't hire people to guard them, very self-sufficient.
This leads me to believe many things.. think many things.
..1. Umm, how, I mean HOW are these people APPLYING for guard/flunky duty? Let's be realistic. There's no classified ads, people can't really refer others, because then, then Supervillains would be like "No, hell no! I'm not hiring your peoples! I don't know if they're out to get me or if they are dreaming of being supervillains, or they're really unknown superheroes out to get me!"
I mean, if you were a supervillain, would YOU hire random fucking people who only had their references to back up their job experience? You don't know who these people are!!
So, is it word of mouth? Do people recruit?
..2. What is the incentive or motivation to apply for this type of work. My friends are suggesting its sort of an army mentality. But then I said that well, these people are NOT going to college or any type of schooling, because they have to work 24 hours a day and have their lives dedicated to EVIL. So they don't need money for school, obviously. Is it like going to De Vry as my friends suggested? Katherine Gibb? Like a trade school? But then WHY do supervillain guard when you would rather have a choice of being alive and making the same sort of progress in life. Also, the supervillain wouldn't pass his job down to YOU.. He doesn't want YOU. If anything, he's trying to have a son.. or daughter... or steal the superheroes son/daughter and make THEM evil to pass on the tradition. Duh, we all know that.
3... Does it have dental/ medical benefits? I tend to not think so. Also, the perks aren't great. NO you don't ride with the supervillain in his jet as my friends suggested. The Villain rides by himself in the cushy part, the flunkies always jump out of like, the cargo area. When would these people have time to enjoy the perks? There's never really a day off. Otherwise the superheroes would notice and attack on that day. It would be so easy.
4... The living quarters have GOT to SUCK. I imagine a bunk bed sort of thing happening. Very dark colors, shared bathrooms. All in all, suck ass amenities. Do they have families? I bet they don't have cell phones.. or regular phones in their room. And if they did, I bet the supervillain wouldnt pay for it... or would totally monitor they're phone calls. So, yeah that sucks right there.
5... Do you have a family outside of this? Maybe they're such family loving providers that they aren't talented in any other ways and have decided to give away their freedom for the sake of their loved ones being taken care of.
But let's be real.. if they are sooo good at being guards/fighting/engineering/science...FUCK! Build YOUR evil empire already... why go work for someone in a job you can't advance in? This is kind of an extension of ..2.
6... uh.. wait I've been drinking and people are talking to me... hold on.
7... if you are in a job where someone is going to kill you if you don't live up to their expectations...with NO REMORSE?!?!?! WTF???!??!?
I think that might be it for now.. I'm getting back to the album now. Ok, I think of these things alot.. OHH WAIT!
ONLY 1 TIME THIS IS ACCEPTABLE AND UNDERSTANDABLE ...storm troopers.
or... an army of evil dead. Though they don't usually have a leader or anything.. ok..
discuss.
5 comments:
hey Jean-
I think its also about the portrayal of the evil villain as incapable and co-dependent. the real hero can figure it out on their own but a villain needs henchmen. Henchmen also take the wrap when things don't go according to plan. You've got to have a subordinate to blame when you don't get the job done. It's their fault when the hero doesn't die because they didn't shoot in the heart or make sure the hero drank all the poison etc. Heroes promote (very successfully) individualism and that one shouldn't need other people; that's weak. I don't like that about heroes.
Henchmen also seem to have perpetual Stockholm/battered wive's syndromes. they can't leave in spite of the abuse they experience and become loyal and try to met villain's excessive demands.
Ummm I think some supervillains in the movies are rich too, they're rich but evils somehow. And many supervillains are hot, it makes becoming one pretty tempting.
there might be brainwashing involved. especially if they're dragged off the streets as kids. but they don't even need to be little the the brainwashing is good. fuck it, we've already got that!
damn i'm being too serious.
but yeh youre right jean. shows that in the end, movies/etc could be cool but not possible. never enough pragmatism. fuckem
Maybe they have ridiculous health benefits Cigna can't give you. I mean, with the way healthcare is now, and republicans cock-blocking a possible healthcare reform, if I needed some serious chemotherapy and a villian just so happened to provide me with some excellent health coverage on grounds that I don't fuck up and maybe kill a couple of do-gooders, I'm down.
I'm thinkin' there's got to be a prerequisite for henchman employment, like a prior criminal history. Predicate felon status or something.
And you know, in all cop/robber genre flicks, there's a bar, club or something that all the newly-released-from-prison ex-cons can go to for a drink and the latest scoop on the new criminal shit jumpin' off.
It seems to me that the henchman types are using a kinda underground Monster.com for jobs 'n shit.
It's that whole grimy underbelly of the world that most people never see.
Same shit with becoming a hitman. How does one just fall in to that line of work?!
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