Who is Jean Grae?

Jean is a super hero. She's better than you at doing everything. Even stuff you haven't done yet. She writes raps and makes music too. All of which are better than your raps or music, if you do that sort of thing.

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Break From The State... Fight Tactics #1


Eye Gouging.

Really it seems like the last attempt. The time when your body and mind combine to form the, "Oh my fucking God, this motherfucker is going to kill me" Voltron-esque reaction.

Or, at least... that's what it looks like in the movies. OR, in a REGULAR fight against a completely insane person. The eye gouging may even come first... or right after the head butting. OR... in sports (which is still a regular fight against a completely insane person.)

It's a really effective fight tactic. There's a lot of blood, a lot of pain... I mean, that motherfucking killer/attacker knows you mean business. You want to live. You're going to fight.

If you had a weapon, it might be just out of reach... or completely destroyed.
You may have tried biting first.
You probably did. It was messy.
Biting, til blood, or biting a chunk out of someone is the first "I will not go silently into the night" move,

When you get to eye gouging though....
Man.
You can WIN!

Here's my issue.

It's fucking ICKY.

I have a problem with things that make me feel squeamish.
Squishy things, things that make the squashed grape soun----- ugggggh... *shudders*

So I ask myself...
Would I get murder, death, killed if the only option left to live was...eye gouging?

I honestly don't know. That really concerns me. I get a panic attack about my own mortality every single time there's an eye gouging scene in a movie.
Oh, oh my God... that could be ME.

I'm preeeeeetty sure that I wouldn't be in any of those "high risk for drawn out fight scene" scenarios, but you really never know. It's 2010, the apocalypse, the revolution (yeah right,) the ZOMBIE apocalypse... they could all go down.
Then what?

Well, ok, excluding the zombie apocalypse. Eye gouging is NOT an effective move in that scenario. Zombies aren't affected unless it's MASSIVE head trauma. Plus, said zombie may not even HAVE eyes.
So, fuck that one.

Or, just a really, really determined killer. A strong one, or one who knew jujitsu or something. It may come down to eye gouging.

I don't have any problem maiming or killing otherwise. I swear it's just the squishiness of the situation. It's very troubling to me. I figure that it's not just me. Maybe everyone thinks eye gouging is fucking gross. Perhaps you really have to be in that "kill or be killed" event in order to know if you're an eye gouger or not.

Hopefully, when someone tries to kill me... I will be one of the few, the proud. Eye gougers.


...cause really, it makes for a great dinner story.

11 comments:

miss.kaleah said...

So last night, I was watching Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and they had a sketch about having their eyes violently plucked out by crows. My silly ass sat there and thought "Holy Shit...what if this happens to me?" Highly unlikely, but I get the whole mortality thing. Personally, if it's life or death, I'd have to take a deep breath and get em them sockets. But I wouldn't like it.

Akin said...

How does one actually go about eye gouging? Do you get under the eye lids? Do you just pinch down really hard? It really is a troubling situation.

That said, if I was going down, I'd gouge the fuck out of some one's eyes.


Lastly, Jean Grae, you are random as shit.

Csmif said...

I read this and laughed so hard, tears welled up and I had a pretty rough time continuing. But it was definately worth it.

香廷 said...

健康的身體是事業成功的基礎。......................................................

Donny Blackscoe said...

Im amazed at what we call "dirty fighting". The eye gouge. The kidney punch. Knee to the groin. Biting of the ears. Isn't the point of fighting of any sort to best your opponent? Swords were outlawed for use in combat by NATO as being "barbaric weapons" Knives and bayonets are still okay though (I think) - not to be the peacenik (yes I said "peacenik") but isnt hand to hand combat pretty "barbaric" anyway? Shouldnt we jsut call it what it is and take out the rules altogether?Mayeb if ear biting was illegal, and Holyfield, knowing that his ears were fair game, would have worn ear protection, that fight would have ended differently. Or perhaps the eyegouging would only happen to fighters who were stupid enough to climb int the ring without goggles on. WIN, little man, WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rhinocerouslip Bumcrack said...

Any DEADWOOD fans here?
Classic such scenario by here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Blki-DISUis

eye gouge is easily more effective x 10,000 than a kick in the bollocks.

Rhinocerouslip Bumcrack said...

btw my mate just told me that he knew someone who was imprisoned for a few years for eye gouging in a dutch bar fight.
Lovely.

Urban Survival Syndrome said...

In a kill or be killed situation anything is allowed. That survival instinct kicks in and bam. Just ask Jason Bourne. He throws random bathroom items and he is a trained killer. And in the end he lived. So I'm sure that if the time comes you will be digging in those sockets like a vet. That crap is nasty though. I know a woman whose ex husband smashed a phone in her head and popped her eye out. Anything dealing with the eye is kind of weird.

韋于倫成 said...

nice to know you, and glad to find such a good artical!.........................

ERIKS said...

I LOVE ZOMBIES!

Meanwhile, the thought of stabbing somebody makes me sick to my stomach. I find it just as hard to watch in movies as you do a certain unmentionable dirty fighting tactic. That said, once I was being harassed on the train but this filthy old dude, and at the time I was writing in my notebook. I stood up and looked him in the eye and by screaming at him I managed to scare him away and he got off at the next stop. When I looked down, I was holding my pen, ready and willing to stab. So yes Jean. You could do it if you had to, and you wouldn't think twice! Go for the eyes!!

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