Monday, November 22, 2010


See I can be the bridge that takes you home
Or I can be he wind that makes you moan
Depending how you treat me baby
See I can be the beacon, brings you light
Or I can be blacker, colder than midnight
So how you gonna see me baby

Now either you can go on and choose me
or baby you're gon' go on and lose me
Cause I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be,
I can be, I can be

If I could be blatant with, well, what I gotta say about you and I is,
What I gotta do to not see it Kevin Smith way,
You know,
View Askew, babe
Give it to me straighter than a hetero, I'll pay for petrol,
We can go riding through the metro (polis)
Put it together because separate causes, misunderstanding, watch
That's like us, see together we marvelous
Hard as the city of the concrete gardens
Split it up, inserts the margins, you get confusion, the words lose purpose
The mark and the target, the arc and the aim like a dart just miss position
If I can explain the way we need to go and where we gonna go, I can do it just like this
I guess this is the infamous, "What is this really?" conversation
Man I hate as a miss is this it's me bringing it up
Predictable dating
But you won't, I've been waiting,
I wouldn't bother, wouldn't have the patience
It would be the aphid in the room, wasted breath, but I think you're amazing.
That being said... (dot, dot, dot)
Love the way the bed rock non-stop
Love the time we spend, chill, eat, shop
Even iller the days we pretend we wanna be at our own spots
But then you knock, knock, knock
But yet still not confirming lock,
I need to know or else just get dropped,
get canned, get blocked,
Got plans, or not?

See I can be the bridge that takes you home
Or I can be he wind that makes you moan
Depending how you treat me baby
See I can be the beacon, brings you light
Or I can be blacker, colder than midnight
So how you gonna see me baby

Now either you can go on and choose me
or baby you're gon' go on and lose me
Cause I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be,
I can be, I can be

The way you think is appealing I,
Like the feeling of thinking of you
Like to know that you're thinking of me
Like the feeling of being us, two
Might reveal how I'm feeling too much
Might be feeling the fear, we do rush
Fight the feeling to flee, to lose us
Type to reel in the scenes and lose trust
Slice the dealings and leave, abuse lust
Cuts and bruises, I see you lose love
But you chose to redeem it, who does?
Fuck the blues and the demons, choose one
Human to humor cupid with some "cue in the music cupid shit"
Lose the race in the shoes that you run
Fuse the pace of the two into one

See I can be the bridge that takes you home
Or I can be he wind that makes you moan
Depending how you treat me baby
See I can be the beacon, brings you light
Or I can be blacker, colder than midnight
So how you gonna see me baby

Now either you can go on and choose me
or baby you're gon' go on and lose me
Cause I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be,
I can be, I can be

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ways To Get A Chick Hot: For The Guys (or the girls.)

For some strange reason, it seems that I have become the person to turn to for love and relationship advice.
I am a good choice for this! (I am a terrible choice for this shit.)

I thought it would be a good idea to just put all my advice to guys (or the ladies...if you like the ladies, ladies) for getting a lady. Also for getting a lady hot.

Here are 4 sure fire ways to nab that special lady you've been after. If you already have her, there are some tips on how to KEEP her.
You're welcome, in fucking advance.

1.) If you're at a bar and happen to see a young lady that catches your eye, definitely use this

Stare at her, intensely, from across the room. Ladies LOVE it when you stare it them. Do this for about 15-20 minutes straight.
Don't concentrate on anything else except staring at her.
If you can practice not blinking for extended periods of time, when you're at home, or at work, this would help.
What you want to convey, is a deep attraction. Make her feel like she is the only person in the world. Don't even look down at your drink. Don't look at ANYTHING else. Just her.

If no one has called the police yet, or alerted the bouncer of your intense love, move to the next step.

Move to a seat closer to hers. Hopefully right next to her. Busy yourself with your drink, your phone, whatever. Maybe slide a smile, but establish yourself as completely harmless and uninterested in a sexual way. Maybe say little fun things like "Oh I love this song!" Or, "I really love your outfit. You have great style." After you pay her any compliment, make sure to ignore her. It will drive her mad. With love for you.

She'll have to go to the bathroom at some point (she's a girl, we pee ALL the time. I'm peeing RIGHT NOW.)
When she does, hopefully she will not have finished her entire drink. If she does, just order another of whatever she's drinking before she comes back.
You can even suggest beforehand that you would watch her drink if she wants to go to the bathroom.
Establish your boyish charm and harmlessness before doing so, or she will totally be on to you.

If this goes well, she will return from the bathroom refreshed and ready to give you the night of your life.

Don't be too eager!
"Hey! Welcome back! Missed you!" You might exclaim. Wave your hand towards her seat.
This is when the real plan comes in.
Hum quietly at first, louder as you continue. Hum "Loving You" by Minnie Ripperton.

Chicks love that song.

As you get louder, not too loud now, start adding words... "Drugging you.... is easy cause you're beautiful...doo doo doo doo doo doo..." That's mainly the part you want to repeat over and over again.
I don't think I have to give you any advice after that.. It should be a closed deal at this point!

You're definitely fucked... err... fucking, that night!

2.) This one right here is very situation specific. Well, kind of. It's for guys who have just started dating a lady with a cat. Not, "a guy who has somehow used a cat in order to date a lady." I know a couple of those guys. That's just crazy. It was effective, but it was just loony.


Right, so, you got a new lady, she has a cat, you've been doing the in-and-out a few times.

Err, you and the lady. Not you and the cat. If it's you and the cat, umm.. and the lady... you don't need my advice. You pretty much got your life covered. You're fucking your girlfriend and your girlfriends cat. Maybe even at the same time. Maybe your girlfriend is even fucking her own cat. You got a lot going on. How you found the time to read this blog, I don't even know.

Kudos to you.
Not because I want to fuck a cat. Or your girlfriend. Or YOU for that matter. I don't even know you.
I bet you think everyone wants to do you, huh. I know your type. Just because you've convinced some girl to have sexual intercourse with her pet doesn't make you the king. Of anything. I got some news for you buddy, that girl was probably already fucking that cat. Before you got there. It doesn't even have anything to do with you.
She's fulfilling HER fantasy of having some idiot dude (you) watch her fuck a cat...and you know what? You're not the first guy. She probably has tapes. Tapes of all the guys who watched her fuck that cat and then fucked her cat.

You didn't think you were the first, did you? Come on.

You think you popped that cat's cherry? Get the fuck out of here. You know you were surprised when it was, oh, let's just say, not the tight vice grip you would expect from a cats *whistles* ....

You know something about those tapes? I've seen them. That's right. You're surprised. Yeah. I know Lily. Your "girlfriend."
HA! You think she's your girlfriend? You're just another idiot on tape fucking a cat. Your tape is labeled "IDIOT 22."
Me, Lily and a few other chicks get together once a month to laugh at the tapes of the cat fuckers.
We sit around and laugh and laugh at you.

I've seen your tape. Not impressed.

Now you wanna stroll on in my blog and try to get advice on how to get chicks. Man, fuck you, cat fucker. You know what? I'm not even doing the rest of the suggestions. You're sick. Get out of here. You've ruined it for EVERYBODY.


Friday, June 4, 2010

"The Climb"

Hey guys! I thought I would drop a little internet gem for you.
It's from a collection of songs I like to call "Dusty Jeans."
All miniature rap tunes done over some of my favorite short grooves.
This is a nice little re-intro to me and some things to make you not yell at me before "Cake or Death" drops ....which is in about 2 seconds. SO, heres a cute little video to go with it... enjoy.

It's VERY different to what Cake or Death sounds like, but .... I like doing different shit.

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Break From The State... Fight Tactics #1

Eye Gouging.

Really it seems like the last attempt. The time when your body and mind combine to form the, "Oh my fucking God, this motherfucker is going to kill me" Voltron-esque reaction.

Or, at least... that's what it looks like in the movies. OR, in a REGULAR fight against a completely insane person. The eye gouging may even come first... or right after the head butting. OR... in sports (which is still a regular fight against a completely insane person.)

It's a really effective fight tactic. There's a lot of blood, a lot of pain... I mean, that motherfucking killer/attacker knows you mean business. You want to live. You're going to fight.

If you had a weapon, it might be just out of reach... or completely destroyed.
You may have tried biting first.
You probably did. It was messy.
Biting, til blood, or biting a chunk out of someone is the first "I will not go silently into the night" move,

When you get to eye gouging though....
You can WIN!

Here's my issue.

It's fucking ICKY.

I have a problem with things that make me feel squeamish.
Squishy things, things that make the squashed grape soun----- ugggggh... *shudders*

So I ask myself...
Would I get murder, death, killed if the only option left to live was...eye gouging?

I honestly don't know. That really concerns me. I get a panic attack about my own mortality every single time there's an eye gouging scene in a movie.
Oh, oh my God... that could be ME.

I'm preeeeeetty sure that I wouldn't be in any of those "high risk for drawn out fight scene" scenarios, but you really never know. It's 2010, the apocalypse, the revolution (yeah right,) the ZOMBIE apocalypse... they could all go down.
Then what?

Well, ok, excluding the zombie apocalypse. Eye gouging is NOT an effective move in that scenario. Zombies aren't affected unless it's MASSIVE head trauma. Plus, said zombie may not even HAVE eyes.
So, fuck that one.

Or, just a really, really determined killer. A strong one, or one who knew jujitsu or something. It may come down to eye gouging.

I don't have any problem maiming or killing otherwise. I swear it's just the squishiness of the situation. It's very troubling to me. I figure that it's not just me. Maybe everyone thinks eye gouging is fucking gross. Perhaps you really have to be in that "kill or be killed" event in order to know if you're an eye gouger or not.

Hopefully, when someone tries to kill me... I will be one of the few, the proud. Eye gougers.

...cause really, it makes for a great dinner story.