Who is Jean Grae?

Jean is a super hero. She's better than you at doing everything. Even stuff you haven't done yet. She writes raps and makes music too. All of which are better than your raps or music, if you do that sort of thing.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Lyrics To The Mr.Softee Jingle (that make you less homicidal.)

If you grow more infuriated every summer with the Mr.Softee jingle being drummed into your brain, you can use this to help.
 I've written some lyrics that ease the pain a little bit.
 You can sing them along to the jingle and it might make you feel better.
 You'll probably still want to stab the truck, but... it helps.


 I really wish you would just change the song, 
why won't you Mr. Softee? 
Shit has been playing for way too long, 
going to get my gun or 
 I could, indeed, call some friends who don't give a fuck... 
We could come, vandalize, overturn your truck. 
 I really wish you would just think about how horrible the song is 
Feel like you don't love humanity, 
also what is weird, umm... 
It is 3am I think you're...sell-ing drugs.

Friday, June 17, 2011

CaseBasket Lyrics

hold up, wordsmith, blacksmith,
girl in the school parking lot with a fat spliff,
old shit, full circle, bob barker, backflips,
got mad rap kids but not a catholic, preaching that gospel, not baptist,
redesign placements, nos-ag-stic,
getting, too crazy? my bad shit,
you aint lazy, I'm bat shit, basket case, you can blame me, its the madness, jg, congrats bitch,
in raps last place, so the vantage points dangerous, a black ditch underground cave where the canvas is the wall around me stained with my blood and my fans pics,
a motherfucker with nothing to lose is a bad bitch,
misconstrued, miss my aim, you lose,
kiss the shoes, diss my name, hiss, boos,
your clique is fools, fucking with niggas and jigaboos, I'm sick of buffoons, fucking sick of thinking of coons,
I aint ever dig a rule, or kick a particular tune,
I'm penning its venting me niccotine liquor and booze,
I'm me, choose choice, it's the new shit,
don't be, confused boys, the new shtick, is no shtick, promote this,
offbeat, off road shit, with a kotex,
flow mo heavy than most chicks, so fuck a 28 days I keep a tampax with my show shit,
right next to an open bottle reeking of roses,
next to a broken bottle seeping leaking neurosis,
sleeping on Jeannie? most is? most ears.... aint heard of the beating, cause I'd be.... most feared,
See its more convenient to leave me alone in the background, blacked out, in a basement with a gagged mouth,
I dont want nobody to save me, I'll hack out,
Shawshank redemption, no thanks to mention,
act now, get a special deal on the raps out,
for free 99 I'll beat 99 acts down,
but leave one please, I need a comedy track clown, your beats jokes relief, hope you finally go that route,
if thee is next to Tsidi don't act out,
I'm a phe no me non, retarted don like my mommy done crack (wow),
a super jerk, call me Clark Kent at sperm bank, with girl mags, I'd be like SPIT if I burned tags,
I burn flags, burn, man, not books or bras, fam,
swing bars, multiple partners, Tarzan,
marzipan, that's it no reference, no depth shit,
breathe and let the bars stand.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Assassins verse

Heeeeere you go!

Fasten your seat belts for the last of the three assassins on earth
The first flashing her purse where the heat's stashed
They call me Jean McCoy, beast in thee employ
deploy deplorable, through audible destructive actions, attractive decoy
Then pass it to Troy, after I'm passing your life over
He'll deliver it through river Styx, Hades
I'm cold, deliberate, ladies, my foes limited
pray me some praise (whisper it)
stay on your toes, villains, it's Grae and your day's whittling.
Blistering lines packed in sick, stick to spine
Racked with a sick mind, trapped in thick bitch frame
Drug you with strychnine, in nine drinks you drunk and it's my kidney, you dickbrain, I'm just itching to slit veins
Stitch lines, Rick James, Fuck yo lives, sip brains, bitches
Niggas, kick rocks, or kick rhymes, it's to the pain
liquor riddled liver, sieve in it, sipping it like Capri Sun
ignint as ever, she's clever, equivalent be none

A ball breaker, call fakers out with passion
You got the gaul bastard, to brawl with the broad brashest?
The balls in your court, pass it
But warning, fall faster than asses with age slack on the back of a Kardashian

The walls crash in, you all on the floor gasping,
the gas pour in the corridor, racking your jaws, blacking out
Catch Grae backing out the back door cackling
still make it back to the bar for last call.

Monday, November 22, 2010


See I can be the bridge that takes you home
Or I can be he wind that makes you moan
Depending how you treat me baby
See I can be the beacon, brings you light
Or I can be blacker, colder than midnight
So how you gonna see me baby

Now either you can go on and choose me
or baby you're gon' go on and lose me
Cause I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be,
I can be, I can be

If I could be blatant with, well, what I gotta say about you and I is,
What I gotta do to not see it Kevin Smith way,
You know,
View Askew, babe
Give it to me straighter than a hetero, I'll pay for petrol,
We can go riding through the metro (polis)
Put it together because separate causes, misunderstanding, watch
That's like us, see together we marvelous
Hard as the city of the concrete gardens
Split it up, inserts the margins, you get confusion, the words lose purpose
The mark and the target, the arc and the aim like a dart just miss position
If I can explain the way we need to go and where we gonna go, I can do it just like this
I guess this is the infamous, "What is this really?" conversation
Man I hate as a miss is this it's me bringing it up
Predictable dating
But you won't, I've been waiting,
I wouldn't bother, wouldn't have the patience
It would be the aphid in the room, wasted breath, but I think you're amazing.
That being said... (dot, dot, dot)
Love the way the bed rock non-stop
Love the time we spend, chill, eat, shop
Even iller the days we pretend we wanna be at our own spots
But then you knock, knock, knock
But yet still not confirming lock,
I need to know or else just get dropped,
get canned, get blocked,
Got plans, or not?

See I can be the bridge that takes you home
Or I can be he wind that makes you moan
Depending how you treat me baby
See I can be the beacon, brings you light
Or I can be blacker, colder than midnight
So how you gonna see me baby

Now either you can go on and choose me
or baby you're gon' go on and lose me
Cause I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be,
I can be, I can be

The way you think is appealing I,
Like the feeling of thinking of you
Like to know that you're thinking of me
Like the feeling of being us, two
Might reveal how I'm feeling too much
Might be feeling the fear, we do rush
Fight the feeling to flee, to lose us
Type to reel in the scenes and lose trust
Slice the dealings and leave, abuse lust
Cuts and bruises, I see you lose love
But you chose to redeem it, who does?
Fuck the blues and the demons, choose one
Human to humor cupid with some "cue in the music cupid shit"
Lose the race in the shoes that you run
Fuse the pace of the two into one

See I can be the bridge that takes you home
Or I can be he wind that makes you moan
Depending how you treat me baby
See I can be the beacon, brings you light
Or I can be blacker, colder than midnight
So how you gonna see me baby

Now either you can go on and choose me
or baby you're gon' go on and lose me
Cause I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be, I can be,
I can be, I can be

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ways To Get A Chick Hot: For The Guys (or the girls.)

For some strange reason, it seems that I have become the person to turn to for love and relationship advice.
I am a good choice for this! (I am a terrible choice for this shit.)

I thought it would be a good idea to just put all my advice to guys (or the ladies...if you like the ladies, ladies) for getting a lady. Also for getting a lady hot.

Here are 4 sure fire ways to nab that special lady you've been after. If you already have her, there are some tips on how to KEEP her.
You're welcome, in fucking advance.

1.) If you're at a bar and happen to see a young lady that catches your eye, definitely use this

Stare at her, intensely, from across the room. Ladies LOVE it when you stare it them. Do this for about 15-20 minutes straight.
Don't concentrate on anything else except staring at her.
If you can practice not blinking for extended periods of time, when you're at home, or at work, this would help.
What you want to convey, is a deep attraction. Make her feel like she is the only person in the world. Don't even look down at your drink. Don't look at ANYTHING else. Just her.

If no one has called the police yet, or alerted the bouncer of your intense love, move to the next step.

Move to a seat closer to hers. Hopefully right next to her. Busy yourself with your drink, your phone, whatever. Maybe slide a smile, but establish yourself as completely harmless and uninterested in a sexual way. Maybe say little fun things like "Oh I love this song!" Or, "I really love your outfit. You have great style." After you pay her any compliment, make sure to ignore her. It will drive her mad. With love for you.

She'll have to go to the bathroom at some point (she's a girl, we pee ALL the time. I'm peeing RIGHT NOW.)
When she does, hopefully she will not have finished her entire drink. If she does, just order another of whatever she's drinking before she comes back.
You can even suggest beforehand that you would watch her drink if she wants to go to the bathroom.
Establish your boyish charm and harmlessness before doing so, or she will totally be on to you.

If this goes well, she will return from the bathroom refreshed and ready to give you the night of your life.

Don't be too eager!
"Hey! Welcome back! Missed you!" You might exclaim. Wave your hand towards her seat.
This is when the real plan comes in.
Hum quietly at first, louder as you continue. Hum "Loving You" by Minnie Ripperton.

Chicks love that song.

As you get louder, not too loud now, start adding words... "Drugging you.... is easy cause you're beautiful...doo doo doo doo doo doo..." That's mainly the part you want to repeat over and over again.
I don't think I have to give you any advice after that.. It should be a closed deal at this point!

You're definitely fucked... err... fucking, that night!

2.) This one right here is very situation specific. Well, kind of. It's for guys who have just started dating a lady with a cat. Not, "a guy who has somehow used a cat in order to date a lady." I know a couple of those guys. That's just crazy. It was effective, but it was just loony.


Right, so, you got a new lady, she has a cat, you've been doing the in-and-out a few times.

Err, you and the lady. Not you and the cat. If it's you and the cat, umm.. and the lady... you don't need my advice. You pretty much got your life covered. You're fucking your girlfriend and your girlfriends cat. Maybe even at the same time. Maybe your girlfriend is even fucking her own cat. You got a lot going on. How you found the time to read this blog, I don't even know.

Kudos to you.
Not because I want to fuck a cat. Or your girlfriend. Or YOU for that matter. I don't even know you.
I bet you think everyone wants to do you, huh. I know your type. Just because you've convinced some girl to have sexual intercourse with her pet doesn't make you the king. Of anything. I got some news for you buddy, that girl was probably already fucking that cat. Before you got there. It doesn't even have anything to do with you.
She's fulfilling HER fantasy of having some idiot dude (you) watch her fuck a cat...and you know what? You're not the first guy. She probably has tapes. Tapes of all the guys who watched her fuck that cat and then fucked her cat.

You didn't think you were the first, did you? Come on.

You think you popped that cat's cherry? Get the fuck out of here. You know you were surprised when it was, oh, let's just say, not the tight vice grip you would expect from a cats *whistles* ....

You know something about those tapes? I've seen them. That's right. You're surprised. Yeah. I know Lily. Your "girlfriend."
HA! You think she's your girlfriend? You're just another idiot on tape fucking a cat. Your tape is labeled "IDIOT 22."
Me, Lily and a few other chicks get together once a month to laugh at the tapes of the cat fuckers.
We sit around and laugh and laugh at you.

I've seen your tape. Not impressed.

Now you wanna stroll on in my blog and try to get advice on how to get chicks. Man, fuck you, cat fucker. You know what? I'm not even doing the rest of the suggestions. You're sick. Get out of here. You've ruined it for EVERYBODY.


Friday, June 4, 2010

"The Climb"

Hey guys! I thought I would drop a little internet gem for you.
It's from a collection of songs I like to call "Dusty Jeans."
All miniature rap tunes done over some of my favorite short grooves.
This is a nice little re-intro to me and some things to make you not yell at me before "Cake or Death" drops ....which is in about 2 seconds. SO, heres a cute little video to go with it... enjoy.

It's VERY different to what Cake or Death sounds like, but .... I like doing different shit.