Tuesday, October 27, 2009

How Have I Changed?


I was going through my myspace blogs and I came across one of these "personal surveys" I did. I'm not one who does these usually.. I think it was just a "why not?" sort of moment I had.

So, I'll do it again. Decidedly to see how much my answers have changed over this period of time... and share. Like you even care to know. If you don't care, you should leave now. GO! GET OUT!

Here's the original...

Monday, March 10, 2008

Answering quizveys
Current mood: complacent
Category: News and Politics
Don't do em.
Never have.
I changed my mind, thought.. why the fuck not?

What's your Status?:
-Superstar

What scares You the most about Guy's?:
- Guy's who have a capital letter on "g" seem scary. I suppose because they're important or something. On second look, the "y" in "you" is also capitalized. I suppose this diminishes the fear and places us on the same level. So I am no longer afraid. Nothing then. Nothing scares me. About "Guys".

Have you ever lied to make someone happy?
-No. Never. Are you happy reading this?

Like to travel?
-Depends where to. Trip to the city dump. Fucking detest it. Fiji? Let's roll out.

Like Someone?
- Again with the important people. I guess this works here. Uh, yeah.

Do they know?
-Yup

Who sleeps with you every night?
-Why does that sound like I need assistance sleeping? Ha!
Like, "who helps you brush your teeth everday?"
Way to avoid an answer though, huh?

Think you're attractive?
-Sometimes.

Want to get married?
-Let's deal with this divorcing status first, shall we?

Are you a good student?
-Define "good". While we're at it, define "student" and "are".
I'd like to think so.

Are you currently happy?
-I'm ok. Happy? Like filled with glee? Not really.

Have you ever cheated? Been cheated on?
-Yup. Yup, yup, yup, yup... I could continue.

Have you ever kissed someone who is just a friend?
-I don't understand the question. I can't even see the screen. That question is too small! I can't answer it. Why would you make your questions so small?? That people can't SEE them and ANSWER!! Thank God I can see the next one.


New Year's Resulotion?
-Only a little into the year. It could drastically change. Could be like, "stop maiming the elderly". Or "quit doing shots of yager at carnivals". Or, "work out more...not drunk". I don't know yet.

Do you believe in God?
-That's between me and my maker. Mmemnoch.

Do long distance relationships work?
-I dunno.

Do you believe in astrology?
-It's not a myth, so yes.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
-Yup.

Are you the Jealous type?
-The good jealous (normal people jealous) and then when driven to utter insane behavior, the OTHER kind of jealous that has involved tape recorders and elaborately planned schemes and plots to expose the other partner. Yeah. Not anymore though.
Boooooo that shit.

Do you drink or smoke?
-Nope. Never touch the stuff.

Do you make fun of people?
-Am I breathing?

Do you think dreams eventually come true?
-Manifest Destiny.

What are your Nicknames?
-I'll talk about the ones I can type publicly. Jeannie, Jean Greasy, Jean Grizzle, Jeannie Grigio, Red Bean, Jean Naté, Jeanie Bean... lol a lot.

Go to the movies or rent?
-Rent? What year is this?

Have you ever moved?
-My persona-. I am moving right no--. Oh yeah, word. Mad times son.

Have you ever stolen anything?
-Hahaha. Yeah.

How's the weather right now?
-Winteresque.

Last time you cut your hair?
-4 days ago.

Last person you talked to on the phone?
-My mama.

Are you a Taker or a Giver?
-Giver.

Loud or soft music?
-Loud as fuck. You would swear Redman was inside the tru--

The Song that is playing in your page is dedicated to?
-Heh, heh.

Night or day?
-Night.. but summertime?? Outside?? Day.

Do you have a Tatoo?
-No, I think they're for losers.

Do you have real plant's at home?
- I have flowers.. other than that, I murder plants. But I'm gonna plant veggies and herbs in the back. Oh! Also, steak. I'ma grow steak.

Future job?
-film director

Current job?
-I don't know.

Current love?
-rollerskating jams, writing, Superman.

Current longing?
-$$$, summertime, stability, more flat surfaces in my apartment. Unresolved situations and communication issues to be deaded.

Current disappointment?
- don't want to talk about it.

Current annoyance?
-The world turning into Idiocracy for real.

Have you ever loved someone?
-yup

Last thing you bought?
-wine

Most recent thing you are looking forward to?
- laying in bed

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
-to the future. For like 10 minutes. With a videocamera that I could bring back.

Do you support the war in Iraq?
-seriously?

Who you want for Valentines Day?
-Like as a present?? LOL. Or a pass? Umm.. Superman.

Pick a movie quote?
- Well. I have good news. I no longer fear death.

Date you filled this survey?
-Todizzle.


Here's the new one:

Monday, March 10, 2008


What's your Status?:
-Motherfucking Superstar

What scares You the most about Guy's?:
- I know a guy named Guy. Guy is cool as shit. I don't know what you're asking about OF Guy's... like Guy's what? That's weird. This is a weird question.

Have you ever lied to make someone happy?
-I have. It doesn't make anyone happy in the end.

Like to travel?
-Very much.

Like Someone?
- Yes.

Do they know?
-I try and explain it... I'm not quite sure if they get it or not. It's frustrating.

Who sleeps with you every night?
-I do.

Think you're attractive?
-Yes.

Want to get married?
-Let's deal with this divorcing status first, shall we? ( I have to change this)

Are you a good student?
-I would like to think so. Sometimes I'm not ready to learn things. I'm trying to get better at that.

Are you currently happy?
-In certain ways, yes. Very much.

Have you ever cheated? Been cheated on?
-Yes. Yes.

Have you ever kissed someone who is just a friend?
- Yes, but I don't just kiss people all willy nilly. If that kiss happened, we were not just friends afterwards.


New Year's Resulotion?
-You misspelled that shit.

Do you believe in God?
-

Do long distance relationships work?
-Not in my experience. I mean, not for me.... but I can't speak for everyone.

Do you believe in astrology?
-Yes.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
-Oh yes. Yes.

Are you the Jealous type?
-I would love to say I'm not. I am. If given reason. Otherwise, no.

Do you drink or smoke?
-Yup, yup.

Do you make fun of people?
-I'm doing it RIGHT NOW. and NOW.. and whenever you read this. Then 5 minutes after that. On a loop.

Do you think dreams eventually come true?
-They must.

What are your Nicknames?
-I have a few. None will be discussed in this forum.

Go to the movies or rent?
-Movies.

Have you ever moved?
-I try to stay very, very still. It's really best for everyone.. lol. I'm a nomad. Trying to settle now. I know this is not the last place I will live. It is where I need to be right now.

Have you ever stolen anything?
-yessir.

How's the weather right now?
-quite nice for the time of year.

Last time you cut your hair?
-my HAIR hair? or hair that became my hair by way of purchase? If purchase, 2 days ago.

Last person you talked to on the phone?
-Aquarius.

Are you a Taker or a Giver?
-Giver. Too much.

Loud or soft music?
-Loud as fuck. You would swear Redman was inside the tru--

The Song that is playing in your page is dedicated to?
-They're all dedicated to that cat. All of em. All the time. All day son.

Night or day?
-Night. No matter the weather. Summertime, daytime wins over night.

Do you have a Tatoo?
-Just got a new one too. Yes. got em.

Do you have real plant's at home?
- I didn't do well with the ones on the terrace. I do well with plants... I just gave up. Sorry plants. I was gonna get new ones today, but Pharoahe did not drive to Home Depot. Blame him.

Future job?
-film director

Current job?
-Writer

Current love?
-Music, magic, writing, my life, a dude.

Current longing?
-To finish a book. To get these videos shot. To clarify things. To shut people up.

Current disappointment?
- I don't even know how to answer this.

Current annoyance?
-Same as the disappointment.

Have you ever loved someone?
-Yes.

Last thing you bought?
-Thai food and some great dresses from the vintage store.

Most recent thing you are looking forward to?
-performing tomorrow night. conversation (this is getting bad)

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
-miami

Do you support the war in Iraq?
-seriously?

Who you want for Valentines Day?
-why is that written all slang and shit? "Who you want, girl?" That's racist.

Pick a movie quote?
-How's that working out for you? Being clever?

Date you filled this survey?
-October 27th, 2009.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dream It.




I used to have this dream.

I was me, just regular me, but.... I had this superpower.
Well, It was TWO superpowers. Both of them useless and ineffective in fighting crime, being USEFUL, saving lives...the normal things you would expect from a superpower. They sucked. They sucked more because they were in a DREAM and couldn't even be good. You can do anything in your dreams. Me? Not so much.

I could fly. Just.. not fly in a beneficial way. I had to take a running start and hurl my body upwards. Most of the times I would just end up hitting a wall, or people, or any object in my path. It hurt and it was embarrassing.

After this running start, I could only get about five inches higher than the top of a lamp post. I couldn't fly horizontally either, I was just standing up in the air flailing about, trying to outstretch my arms in the "one arm forward the other arm bent at the elbow with a clutched fist" superhero position. I looked like an idiot.
No one in the streets around me was amazed at my skills. They pointed, laughed, guffawed... All this while I floated above them, kicking my legs like I was treading water.

What a gyp.

My second superpower was equally disappointing, but became more involved.

I could... brace yourself.....................................get down flights of stairs very quickly.

I know... you're jealous.

I would hardly touch the steps, gliding with ease, approaching landings with the speed of a stair cheetah. Yes.... I was good.
I had to use the banister though.. SAFETY FIRST!

I just felt like it wasn't fast enough though... I didn't really have any superpowers to use when I got down to the crime scene. If I could move faster, maybe I could completely defuse the entire felony. I could stop bad things from being bad things before they ever had the chance to BE bad things.

Of course, I needed advice. I told my very good friend Mr. Len about my dream. He immediately (and brilliantly) named me "Step Sister".
How did I not think of that!!???!!

We came to the decision that I could try and up my "Step Sister" abilities by adding a costume. I thought it was a brilliant idea.

So, I put together a costume in my head.

Imagine The Riddlers costume, skin tight and all. Green as well, but I had SS logos in gold, intertwined, VERY designer.

I looked ridiculously hot.

Here's the snafu in the plan... yeah.. umm.. apparently, adding costumes to your stupid super power does nothing but TAKE THE SUPER POWERS AWAY.
Completely gone. Rendered ineffective. Iksnay on the powersay. All of that.

So here I am... hearing cries of distress coming from stories below me. In this stupid costume. With this gold eye mask. Did I mention the mask? It helps to look really stupid when there's a mask. 10 flights of stairs.. took me about 5 minutes. I think I cramped up too. When I get to the bottom, people are injured.. looking at me and crying out - "Why? Where were you??? We NEEDED YOU!!! AGGGHHHH."

Stupid ass costume. I tried to take it out of the dream.. I ended up never having the dream again. I just ruined it for myself. Stupid.


I finally did have my first flying dream though. Up in the clouds flying, superhero "I'm not even TRYING" arms...all back against my side, while I wove effortlessly through the cotton candy landscape. Best part was the soundtrack... everything was silent, except for the wind and Radiohead: "How To Disappear Completely"

If that wasn't the greatest dream I ever had...I don't know what could be. If you can somehow try and get that song into your dream and just fly around for a few hours, your life could better for it. I cried when I woke up. I hope I have that one again. I'm going to shoot for that tonight. video

Friday, September 4, 2009

Cocks, Balls and Hangy Pools = PENTHOUSES!


Yet another throwback blog. Some really funny shit from that year. ENJOY!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Cock The Balls..oh oops. Rock The Bells
So, last month.. I'm in San Francisco at this party outside. This guy I've known for awhile comes outside, says hello, looks at my outfit and says, "Ohhhh, look at YOoooOOoU!!!! Like, hey!!! I can look good too!!!"

Am I wrong for being offended at this? WTF? You say that to women? WOW.

What the fuck ?
Did I have soot all over me before?
Was it the burlap sack with twine I was wearing prior to you seeing me?
WTF kind of comment is that?

Anyway..

Some short tidbits that have happened as of recent.

I got security escorted out of RTB catering tent for threatening to take the chef down to Chinatown. That's right.. Fight him...
Classsic lines from this episode include:

Me: " What fucking time do you get out of work??? I will take you down!!! I will meet you ....OUTSIDE of the parking lot!!!!"

This is funny because the venue was located in a very large parking lot.
I wanted to tell him to throw down in the parking lot.
I couldnt.

The security for RTB: "You can't fight him."

Me : " Oh I won't fight him in here."

S: " I cant have you fighting him anywhere... not in the streets either."

Me: "Oh, I think I can....You can't tell me what to do outside. This conversation is over. GOOD DAY! I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!!!!!"


Another security guard later : " You know, you and Flava Flav are the only 2 people to get kicked out of catering.But he didn't get security escorted out. "

Security: " I'm gonna need you to leave."
Me: "You're gonna have to bring a lot more heavy motherfuckers to get me the fuck out of here. Fuck! I can't have any fucking chicken? No salad? Well fuck you and your food. Fucking catering chef. Fuck off."


Chef apologizing later.... goes to hug me

Me: " I don't think so. Listen, we're at the point we're I'm shaking your hand and not punching you in the face.. Let's end our relationship here."


another episode:

Vegas (not part of the RTB tour..just in the middle of it)

Me: "But...where's the hangy pool??? I specifically asked for the Fantasy room with the hangy pool!!! Now there's no pool!! What are we supposed to do?? The pole in our room doesnt spin and it's dangerously close to the bed. We can't use that!! Now the outside pool is closed.. There's no hangy pool.. I don't know. We are very dry. Very dry and sad. "

They gave us the penthouse.




Chicago:

E: 'Why am I always tired when I hang out with you? I never sleep!! It's not healthy. It's not right. I think I have grey hairs. I'm so tired.. Ok.. well.. the suns not coming up for another 30 minutes.. That's enough to play more hangman.. I'm so tired."

Also, I ordered a drink at the bar. We spoke to the bartender for awhile. He was sweet, older white guy...wanted to know what the hell we were doing at the rap concert. 5 minutes later, I go to pick up my drink. It has disappeared.

What the??

From in front of me?

There's a cup with ice in it.. but no beverage. Weird.

He pours me another. We walk away. Go watch Wu. 2 minutes later I take a sip. There's nothing in it.

"what the fuck kind of cruel trick cup joke is this???"

Theres a hole in the bottom of the cup... sigh.


I'll tell you guys more stories later.

My life is ridiculously funny.

I'm taking up the accordion. I'm so serious.
I'll post a picture tomorrow.

If Just thinks he can take out my accordion skills.. He's got another think coming.


Also, thanx Kweli, Guru, 9th, Corey.. Sounds great. I'm excited.

Guru.. you are made of magic. Small particles of glued together stardusty magic.


And by the way, next time motherfuckers book an entire rap tour without one female on it..... I'm fucking buying some tools from North Korea. To take you down. To fucking Chinatown. Assholes.

Monday, August 17, 2009

New emails from "selling my roommate"

Seriously.
I don't understand what's wrong with people.
Here's a new response:


XXXXXXXX@gmail.com to sale-macq5-132.
show details 9:58 PM (8 hours ago)
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


Omg sounds great, how do I get one of these?





ME:

Your message has been sent.

Reply



Jean Grae to XXXXXXXX
show details 6:03 AM (3 minutes ago)

Wow. I think I just wrote an entire ad about how you could do that.

Are you the same person who goes to the zoo and on the way out exclaims-
"Man.. I wish we could go see some caged animals sometime!"

Get it together.
- Show quoted text -

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Selling My Roommate on craigslist

Craigslist is a great place to sell and buy things. Like people.

I thought it would be cool to offer my roomie for sale. She wouldn't have to live there for a long time. Just enough to get the money. Here's the posting and one back and forth email. I'll update you with more email responses later.


in case you want the direct link: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/fud/1323877379.html
Roommate for sale! - $1001 (Williamsburg)

Date: 2009-08-14, 8:50PM EDT
Reply to: sale-macq5-1323877379@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

House broken roomie for sale!

Trained in the fine arts of conversation and fuckery, this room mate is the perfect addition to any home!

Illuminate a corner! Put life back into your dinner table! Make you bar come alive! Start a karaoke band!

Possibilities are endless with your new room mate!

Although ornery when not fed, your room mate will do well on a diet of vodka and a steady allowance for random needs! No amount is too small for the joy and pain your roomie can provide!

Out of witty quips? Ask your new room mate!
Need a strong opinion? Ask your new room mate!
Want new music? Your new room mate will make it!
Trouble with the wife? Your fucking problem!

get your new roomie TODAY!!!!

Will not deliver. Pick up. Cash and carry.

Location: Williamsburg
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

response 1:

trassy milly to sale-macq5-132.
show details 4:59 PM (3 hours ago)
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


Is this item still available forsale..


my reply:

Jean Grae to trassy
show details 5:20 PM (2 hours ago)
Yes! available for pick up today. Will accept liquor totalling $1,001.00 as well as cash.


their response:

trassy milly to me
show details 5:46 PM (2 hours ago)

Am okay with the price of this Unit and the condition of items
and we will like to make an outright purchase of this particular item
immediately because we are in need of it and we want to get as soon as
possible, I anticipate that a Money Order or certified check will be
sent to you via express mail or ups or Fedex as the mode of payment,
concerning the pickup, i will be responsible for that, where the mover
will come for the pick up at your location upon your confirmation of
receiving the payment and i want you to remove this Unit from the AD
now. So i will send the payment which will include the pick up
charges, in which you will make payable to the mover via money
gramm/Western union immediately after you have receive the payment and
you will be compensated with $10 extra for your running around to the
money gram/Western union outlet to avoid the delay. And I would
really love to come for the viewing but due to my work frame that
might not be possible..I want you to provide the
following payment information.
full name ...........................................
full home address (physical
City................................................
state................................................
zip code..............................................
tel#..................................................

As soon as this
is provided i will let you know when payment is mailed out and i will
update you on when you will receive the payment and give you
instructions on what to do.Here is my number incase you want to speak with
me 206 202 2980...thanks and i hope we handle this in good faith.
Thanks.




(wow)

My response:

Jean Grae to trassy
show details 6:03 PM (1 hour ago)
Dear "Thanks" (as you didn't include your name)

I'm really disappointed that you would take the time to write this very elaborate and detailed message, only to give me a fax number to contact you. My room mate aka the ITEM in question is actually crying right now. Mostly from the daily scheduled beating, but after calling the fake number, she became increasingly upset. I've had to restrain her and let me tell you, this is no easy job.
Now you've upset all of us.. And by ALL I mean, myself, the ITEM, and the ITEMS parents. I had to call them over to calm her down. She usually responds well to being berated and called "stupid stupid stupid face".
Again, this has really taken a lot out of my day and time.
If you didn't want to purchase my room mate, you shouldn't have contacted me.

You have failed as a human being.

"NO THANKS"







I'll post more soon.. we really need to get her sold though..

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Dopplegangers .. another blog repost. I'm lazy.





DOPPELGANGERS!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: scared
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
OK, I know I drink.
I know I have been a lot of places.
I know quite a few people.
Some of these combined events and people I do not remember.
So, this being said...

There are times when I see a picture with myself in it and do not remember the circumstances surrounding the capturing of the visual.

It happens.

Usually I can look at my clothes and the surroundings and go, "Ohhhh! I remember that!"

Well, like 9 out of 10 times.

This one stumped me.

I don't remember owning the shirt and jacket.

Its a black leather jacket(quite like the one that I own)only it has no collar.

It's a shirt I would wear....but I don't think I have that shirt.

And damnit, in my defense, I know Psalm One.

We have DEFINITELY taken a flick or 2 together.

Yup..

But something didnt seem right..

My fingers look different.

I think..

I had to do some further research.

This is NOT myself and Psalm One.

So, Hello Black Rock and Lo Lo!

You are officially our doppelgangers... At least in this picture.

Or, we are yours...if you're older.

or.. its us.. and we black out and become other personalities.
or..they do.

This is very very Tyler..

You be the judges.
doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ...*creepy twilight zone music*

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Return of The Gangster Gonzo


I haven't been here in a bit, I know. I missed it too. Let's all hug and- HEY! CUT THAT OUT!
Anywillies.... I've just moved into a new place, which is kinda pretty much empty right now. This television is entirely to small for this place. It looks stupid. But hey... at least I have a tv.

So...

I was sitting here thinking about my antics and adventures of past and just sorta missing myself. I haven't been nearly as ridiculous, spontaneous or feeling capable of coming up with, let alone EXECUTING harebrained schemes like I used to.

I think I need to kick them into full gear again.

Them was fun times.

In order to inspire myself into ..err.. being myself, I've decided to share some of these stories with you.
Some are far too incriminating to, ah fuck it.. I'll work my way into those.

You should know... I'm completely insane. I think I've been insane by NOT living up to my comedic life potential. I loved it.
This is REALLY "Life With Jeannie"

I start you off with:

STRIPPER CLOWN




There is a bar I used to frequent in Brooklyn. By "frequent" I mean "live in".
I was pretty much a bar fixture at that point. I never paid for drinks, my friend had just opened a restaurant there, so I ate for free (thank GOD, cause I was dead ass broke) and I did random things that a bar worker would do. Played my ipod, helped clean things, rewrote the menu and generally just supplied crazy antics for patrons and workers alike.
I loved that bar.

I promise to tell more tales from the location.

Moving along....

One day, Steve (we'll call him Steve) was putting up flyers for a magazine party that was going to be taking place at the bar. It was a very sarcastic flyer, filled with promises of imaginary and outlandish things that would be at said party. Hipster dry humor. VERY IRONIC.

I really can't say that I remember all the other kooky things that were promised... The one that really stood out to me, was : STRIPPER CLOWN.

"Wait, wait.. Is that real? Are they gonna have a stripper...clown?"

"I don't think so Jean."

Now see, in my thinking.. the only way to make this situation work, was to supply something as ironic as, "Stripper Clown".
This destroying the irony, rendering it ineffective.

"Well, where are the gingerbread dobermans?" people would ask..
"And what of the heroin induced reindeer conga line?"
I don't recall if these things were on the list, I'm just giving you an example, so you can see where "Stripper Clown" fits in.

I went home to plan.. after telling everyone at the entire bar and all who came in, that I would indeed, come to the party as "Stripper Clown".
No one was really surprised, you have to understand the kind of fuckery I really get into. It's great.

I went home to plan.
The party may have been in a couple of days.. I think so..

OK.. So..

First off, I needed to really understand my "Stripper Clowns" motivation.
Was I initially a stripper?
Did I start off as a clown?
Why would I be at that party?
What should I DO once AT the party?

Difficult, yet important questions. I couldn't come off as a fake "Stripper Clown"... People would read me like a .. fuck... people don't read anymore.. you get what I'm saying.

Less importantly, though you would think MORE, was wardrobe.

Clear Heels .... CHECK!
Fishnet Tights...CHECK!
Striped leg warmers...CHECK!!!
Gold Lame Hotpants....CHECK!
I could be shamed at things I already owned, but I'm quite proud.. ready for ANY situation.. ANY time. I continued looking.
Big Tie....CHECK!!!
Ridiculously tight babydoll..CHECK!!!!
Purple Wig.....CHECK!!!!
*note on purple wig, I wore this out to lunch with the guy I had a crush on (who is now my boyfriend) I wore an army hat over it to "tone down" the severity of the wig.
Mans style vest.....CHECK!!!!
Tiny, teeny, tiny skirt (same level as the shorts..I'm not THAT crazy) CHHHHHHHECK!!!!!!!

Let's see.. sock.. yes..
Giant thigh high tube sock filled with sugar tied with a knot to thwart off dirty fuckers....CHEEEEEYEECK!!

Well, the night I was prepping to go to the party, I felt great.
I had decided on my motivation.
I was a stripper.... business had been rough. I had started doing children's parties in hopes of making a second income.
Problem was, my stripping set was in the day time, children's parties were in the daytime... so I had to make a collaborative costume.
No, I didn't have a car to change in, I took the bus..
No, there was no dressing room at the strip club, the back of the club had burnt down in a crazy bonding glue and Alizé fire.
No, I couldn't get changed at the houses of the children's parties. I had tried that before and gotten arrested for prostitution at the bus stop. Without the clown make-up, it's really not a good look..

I drew on the red nose, painted the sad clown mouth and eyes, painted : "$20 Lapdances" on my cheek, threw on a long black coat and I was ready to go.

My friend picked me up (afore friend mentioned..lets call him "the guy")... apparently he told me later that I looked HOT...not later that night, lol.. like WAY later.

As soon as we got out of that car, motherfucker.. It started to snow. Oh no.. Fucking clear heels..
But, it was hilarious. I explained my plight to many, "combinin' these two muthafuckin' jobs sheeeeet" and they listened..
They took pictures.. they were happy. I had a blast.

We stayed at my other friends house that night and by morning, there was about 2 feet of snow on the ground.
"The guy" left, to go to a family Christmas party.

It took about 5 minutes after he left to realize... "Holy shit.. How the fuck am I going to get home in this?"
My homegirls house we were at didn't provide a lot for me. Sadly, my feet are waaay smaller...shit.. my whole body was too small for her clothes. Plus, she had to go back to work to prep the kitchen. (the bar).
I was too broke to take a cab home. I texted "the guy". He asked if I wanted to come to his mom's house for the party.

"Uhmmm... You.. you know what I'm wearing..right?? You DO remember... I don't think that's a good idea."

I decided to just say fuck it and go back to the bar in the same outfit, until he would be done with his family function and be able to take me home.

That night in the bar, I ended up hosting karaoke that was sung LOUDLY over another party going on in the back of the bar. Everyone was AMAZING... I was still in the outfit.. I just had to own it...

Kweli came through....just in case you want to verify this story.

When "the guy" arrived, we all ended up going to Kwe's house for more drinks. I had to be carried to and from the car because of the snow. NO way you can get through blizzard snow in BK with clear heels on.

But I still.. had a GREAT time... I got home.... and laid "Stripper Clown" to rest.

Long live the legend... of "Stripper Clown"

That's the only picture I have from the whole damn event.. I hate that I don't have a view of the whole outfit. sigh..
He kept that sock filled with sugar in the front of the car for months..

Welcome to the REAL LIFE WITH JEANNIE... and.. you're welcome

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Not to be outdone by ANYTHING, Jean Grae posts pics.



My doctors computer was hacked. When will it end???

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Treats For Tweets Tuesdays #3(the late edition)


I had the pleasure of making this musicians acquaintance about 2 years ago.
ALSO....It's the first person EVER, that I stepped away from my kitchen for and wasn't worried about them cooking.

Aside from being a truly incredible performer and entertainer, he is one of my favorite people in the entire universe.

Kwame-Brandt Pierce.... 3BeanStew

3BeanStew myspace

check out the 3Bean Children's Theater page as well.
Stories that nurture imagination.
If any of you have children, or shoot.. just have a great imagination please check it out.

p.s. this is my favorite album that people didn't know about of 2008. Fucking SICK.


There is beautiful music being made.. just keep your ears open

Creativity is alive and thriving.. help us to keep it that way.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Dear Activia,


WTF?!?!?!?!

Just .. look man...I know what you're for. I get it. I do. That being said......

You can't have NO timetable on WHEN you're going to up and work like that. That's crazy.
2 weeks is fucking grossly (no pun intended)inaccurate. This is nutty(pun intended).

I had things to do and you just completely ignore the fact that people have LIVES and JOBS and PLANS. You are dumb. You are a dumb little yogurt with no couth.

Here are 2 other DUMB things I have had the displeasure of seeing advertised. video


Yeeeah. What I REALLY dig about the cats who came up with this revolutionary idea, is the clever name they chose. "Shoes Under".

Word? Are we at this point now? Shoes fucking UNDER? I'm going to stop pressing buttons on my technology rectangle here. I want to curse them out with my face hole word former. Later I'm ..oh fuck it.. OOGA BOOGADY BOO.



IDIOT WITHOUT ROPE AKA CARDIO JUMP
I hope you clicked on that.
Now you're in on the laziest, active shit I've ever seen in my life.
Ok.... I can understand....maybe there ISN'T room to jump rope. Cool...

But... umm. couldn't you just..sigh.. just DO THE SAME THING WITHOUT THIS PRODUCT IN YOUR HANDS???

Are we soooo over COUNTING now? Good lord.
This shit is....ugh. I weep for the future. We're not going to know how to do anything organically for ourselves.

This Activia needs to stand down. STAND DOWN I SAY!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

STICK UP DANCE VIDEO EXCLUSIVE

From my upcoming "Cake or Death" LP. I'm real damn excited about this.

It's called "Stick Up Dance"
It's produced by Nottz... oh yeah.. GO AHEAD!!!!

BLACKSMITH!!!!!

video

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Treats For Tweets Tuesday #2


Ganessa James

Anyone who is ever at any show Ganessa is a part of will always inevitably turn around to you, or lean to the person next to them, whispering,
"I LOVE HER.. SHE IS AMAZING"

Agreed..

Ganessa James.

Ganessa James myspace


Enjoy.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Treats for Tweets Tuesday


TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEATS!!!!!

I'm gonna do this every Tuesday..
Someone/a group/a movement you don't know about.. and should

Here's what's new and GOOD and actual live played music by musicians.
(in my personal opinion, a guy with a GUY voice.. I think we haven't had a great one in a long time. Baritone with range.. laaaadies.. fucking YEAH!)

Here's Derrin Maxwell.. Brooklyn.. one of your own.
myspace HERE
Derrin Maxwell
Follow him here Derrin's Twitter

"Drink O' Water" is the first single...


You know, people still go out and play music..with bands.. he does.
If you're in NY tomorrow night, come out and enjoy.
Also.. I'll be playing music to get you in the mood before the show.

IT'S FREE. you gotta love that.. donate if you wish when the hat comes around.

SHOOOOOOOOOES


Shoes.. Shoes.. oh my..my shoes..
Shoes my muse
Shoes to peruse
Shoes in which to shmooze and booze
Shoes to cruise, amuse, confuse.
I wrote haikus about my shoes.
But this doesn't count, as it doesn't have the 5 7 5 haiku structure.
It's just an ode.

end scene

Since I was a little'un, I have been OBSESSED with shoes.
Thankfully, my mom was of the Thrift Store mind, so I was trained in the good art of designer searching. If it wasn't a designer, it was a pair of off the wall, amazing, "I KNOW I will never see anyone in these EVER again" shoes.
I love clothes, but shoes always sparked a delicious, warm, fuzzy feeling.
Colors, heel heights, heel width, round toes, square toes, pointed toes, jeans to shoe ratios, designs, patterns, textures, fabrics.. aggghh.. oh.. they get me HOT.

I went into a huge sneaker phase. When touring... I love stilettos OFFSTAGE.. but I'm not about to take an L onstage due to them.. EVER.
Plus it would be tour with say.. The Roots.. sneaker whores. I know they're gonna have some off the wall, only made 1 pair of these ever in existence, made by nike elves in a remote part of Serbia, in underground labs, shoes.
I held my own nicely. I figured there were shoes I could get that they couldn't because I could fit men's 6's. Or girls shoes.

I then proceeded to go apeshit for sneakers.
I'm a dunks girl, but I liked SB's too. I went beserk for everything limited.. every brand.. I searched out all the kick stores in all the countries.. lived on websites.. got them delivered 10 pairs at a time.
I had a giant shoe closet. It was scary.

In the midst of all this I had picked my favorite brand otherwise.. Gucci..
But I did NOT abandon others.
I remember being in Chicago and these boots had just come out.
Kwe was there.. we went to Sak's.... I had a shoe injury an hour later.
They had a godamn sale rack that was AMAZING. Chanel, Prada, Zanotti, Choo...
I got a hip injury but got out with a pair of Guccis.

I sought out the stores in town that would carry good shit.
I brought empty extra suitcases to hold them.
I went to Vegas just to get a pair of gold and mesh Jimmy Choo's once. They were sick.

Sigh.
I lost my shoes when I lost an apartment.. One day I'll have enough to get them back.. and more.
I miss shoes. I loved you all and will never forget you. Anyone who knows me well knows what it WAS.
Fucking recession.

Shoooooooooes.. *cries out like "Aaaaaadriiiiiannnn"*

*btw .. pictured, is the LV "Spicy".. sigh

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

SLEEP is neccessary.


Derrin .. God bless you for making me go to sleep.
I was really going to try and ruin my life, probably fainting in the process.. had I not today. I missed an interview with Mecca at The Source, which was the second time I missed that interview in the past 2 weeks..
It's just been soooo much lately.

I should not have gone like that off of caffeine and sheer willpower. NO. Just no.
To top it off, when I got out of The Morning Show with Angela Yee today, walking out into the St Patty's world of drunkeness at noon was a lot to handle.

Got on the train to get out of the area.. got out to get food and get in a cab once further downtown.
I actually contemplated taking the train all the way, but I would have for sure passed the fuck out.

Derrin, upon seeing me look CRAZY, said "GO TO SLEEP". I was trying to make that interview.. but I couldn't even form sentences at that point.

I feel better now.. Not trying to go for the world record.. Will sleep soon.
Had fun at Sweet Cheebas spring launch (START THE MOTHERFUCKING GIRLS LINE ALREADY YOU BASTARD!) and then at Sutra with Talib and people.
Macy Gray played Macy Gray's favorite songs. It was awesome..

OK.. I'm out for today on this..
I never really liked Elmo.. I'm all classic Sesame Street, son.
I have an autograph from dude who was Mr. Hooper. Yeah.. Mr. Hooper's store.. on Mufucking Sesame Street yo.
But.. he made me like him after I saw this.. like.. for REAL..
Plus.. Elmo's voice/everything actor is a black man. AWESOME

classic moments: "How did you lose this interview? get it back..get it back!"

and

"Elmo wants this tape"

and

"It's called ACTING..Mr.. Gervais"

LMAO!

See y'all tomorrow.. be good..

P.S. Ricky Gervais.. Jeeeesus ... the notorious just...lololol.. that dude is amazing.. video

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Jetpacks For Sale. FUCKING YESSSSSSSS!!!!!


Oh yeah. It's the future. Now, I want my damn flying/self driving car, pill food and pet cyborg. Wait. Maybe not the pet cyborg. I'll probably get the one who develops emotions against all explainable odds and then gets hunted down...that, or kills all the humans.



Motherfucking Jetpacks For Motherfucking Sale

Friday, March 13, 2009

Jesus & Dinosaurs


Simply.....

Umm.. how?

Ok.. So there were dinos-- ok wait.

Ok.. So there was Jes-- ok...wait .. that ..

..but if there's dino-- and Jesus and peopl---.. ok .. hold on.

Grrrrr.

That's all..

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Work and work.


Falling behind ridiculously in sending out all the non paid features and cameos that I have to do.
It's hard times for everyone right now, so the ones that take precendence are always the ones that pay money.
Bills, mortgage and just everyday things that need to stay in your house..like TP(lol), FOOD and such, take a front step on everything....

We all gotta work hard to keep the lights on, no matter what job it is you do, so everyone, keep your head up.. work extra hard... don't fall down right now, it can be real easy to do so.

Trying my damndest to keep it lighthearted and still hardworking and truthful.

Everyone have a great day and find the moments in it where you can be thankful of everyone and everything around you that doesn't suck big time.

Good luck for today you guys.. spread some good luck back to me.

I feel like Diddy's twitter right now with mantras and all..

Although if I had some Ciroc, this might feel better.. lol.

ok. WORK! LET'S GO!!! (see?)

Oh No.


Yeah.. good luck stopping fucking with this.

LINK: http://www.najle.com/idaft/

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Motherfucking BRAIN FREEZE


Hit me last night on Green Lanterns show.

I was all like "Oh ok.. if I have to rap .. maaaan I know this shit.."
Then I couldn't get the words to get the fuck out of my larynx.

My brain started to shut down.... there was an excess of spit in my mouth, when I realized that no matter what I did, these words wanted to stay the fuck INSIDE of me.
I was going to tell them, No.. See, this is your job, words. You have to come out and say hello to everybody.. But they said "Piss off Jean.. we are sleeping.. find other words".
So I just gave up.. and ended up doing some weird garbledy gook freestyle... all the while laughing in my head like, wtf am I .. whaaaat?
LMAO.
What makes it funny is that I asked for the vodka.. So it looked like the 2 sips of vodka I had made me completely inebriated.
Now you know.. no no.. wasn't the vodka.
It was my brain that just .. just said NOoooooooOOOo..

Thanks to Green Lantern and fam for having us up there.

Also, for squashing my Elliot Wilson hatred.. Even though he did say that he said something else about my retirement. I didn't read it. I think I saw something posted somewhere and I ignored it...
I like Elliot.. but Elliot, I'ma kill you if you say anything else about me..

lol.

OK.. today: 4 songs to get out.. to the studio with Patty and Wale...Write another song for Cake or Death...Tony Touch at Sirius...Reflection Eternal at Blue Note.. back home for more songs.

Fuck Brain Freeze.

Thank you for the "eggz" shaky Tek! I'm gonna play along in the audience!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Death Of Imagination


Was having a really tough time, getting cabin fever..
Not knowing HOW to even go outside and do anything, partially from the guilt of not being "productive" in some way by doing so...partially from not having anything to do in the area that was an independent trip.
One with just walking, or traveling without spending a whole bunch of money on the commute.

So I got kidnapped. He tricked me when I said I wanted to walk for a sandwich. Good trick . Spent a great day having a great drive and being OUTSIDE. I was losing it.
We tried to see Watchmen in 2 separate theaters, both sold out. I haven't ever been to an IMAX movie, I think it would've been wrong to not see Watchmen in Imax.. from what I heard of the "ooooh Imax" experience.

Ended up coming back to the Court St theater to see Coraline.
Really happy we did. Thoroughly enjoyed it.. I have missed some escapism in my visuals.

I always check the apple trailers regularly to see what's coming out.. and though the trailer for "9" came out before the trailer for 'Coraline", I was excited about both for quite awhile.

It was really good to see the colors, the story, the beauty of something original and fresh and new.. with a lot of really surprising visual turns. It was gorgeous. It helped my mind a ton.

Except for the idiot who was having the chair battle with me. I was making threats by the end. Or the idiots in the back row explaining the obviously "that was JUST explained in the scene you just saw" parts of the trailers. You don't have to explain anything from the "Confessions of a Shopaholic" trailer.
"Oh.. she didn't speak that language"
"yeah she didn't understood him"
"yeah she didn't"
"that's why she pretended to get mad"

piss off.

I have terrible aim and throw like a blind amputee.. so that was out of the question.
Instead we just made snarky remarks on the way home. Score!

Anywhoo's. It was a kick ass movie.. I've missed ones like it.
I do have a good new sense of concepts and arrangements now.

Sometimes we just all need to be reminded that the possibilities are endless.


P.S. The image included above is from a great line of T Shirts.. Threadless. They make really cool shit. I dig them a bunch. They are the beezneez.
Check em out.

http://www.threadless.com/

It's that time again.


Yuppo. Time to hand the album in..
The listening again and again of songs..thinking of the sequencing, the artwork, the general cohesive idea of it all.
This one is special, or a lot of reasons. It took YEARS to finally get the right concept down, for it to make sense. Not just random songs scattered about, but a collective thought. When I did, it was all obvious and a "DUH" moment.
Many more things than that as well.

Man, I've been writing so much that when I close my eyes I see words, words, WORDS. Like a word jumble game. Trying to pick out new things in all directions that I either haven't used, used in that context, or in that flow, style.
Challenging myself.
Above all else, I'm tough on myself like that. I record whole songs that no one ever gets to hear. They get trashed. Just not up to par with what I want to do.
I don't think I'm a perfectionist, but when it's perfect for ME and the way I can hear it in my head.. then YAY!

I see the colored audio protools bars overlapping the word jumble. I can't stop thinking.. just THINKING about everything that goes with it.. Video ideas, marketing ideas.. of course keeping it all as close to free as I can get.
But I am excited.

Cake or Death ...or bust!
heh.

I wanted to get steady on the blogging bit for everyone again. I think it's a cool way to stay in touch. Word up. OH NO! DON'T SAY "WORD" JEAN!! AAAAAAGGGGGH!

Check y'all later. I'm back to thinking and planning and of course ACTIVELY err...activating...these ideas.
It's no fun if they don't materialize.
You have NO idea how MANY IDEAS I have a day. I'll never get them all done. I can try really really ridiculously hard though. If I don't sleep. Like... right now.

I'm gonna go jot down some video treatments.
Stupid brain. Stupid.