New emails from "selling my roommate"

Seriously.
I don't understand what's wrong with people.
Here's a new response:


XXXXXXXX@gmail.com to sale-macq5-132.
show details 9:58 PM (8 hours ago)
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


Omg sounds great, how do I get one of these?





ME:

Your message has been sent.

Reply



Jean Grae to XXXXXXXX
show details 6:03 AM (3 minutes ago)

Wow. I think I just wrote an entire ad about how you could do that.

Are you the same person who goes to the zoo and on the way out exclaims-
"Man.. I wish we could go see some caged animals sometime!"

Get it together.
- Show quoted text -

Selling My Roommate on craigslist

Craigslist is a great place to sell and buy things. Like people.

I thought it would be cool to offer my roomie for sale. She wouldn't have to live there for a long time. Just enough to get the money. Here's the posting and one back and forth email. I'll update you with more email responses later.


in case you want the direct link: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/fud/1323877379.html
Roommate for sale! - $1001 (Williamsburg)

Date: 2009-08-14, 8:50PM EDT
Reply to: sale-macq5-1323877379@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

House broken roomie for sale!

Trained in the fine arts of conversation and fuckery, this room mate is the perfect addition to any home!

Illuminate a corner! Put life back into your dinner table! Make you bar come alive! Start a karaoke band!

Possibilities are endless with your new room mate!

Although ornery when not fed, your room mate will do well on a diet of vodka and a steady allowance for random needs! No amount is too small for the joy and pain your roomie can provide!

Out of witty quips? Ask your new room mate!
Need a strong opinion? Ask your new room mate!
Want new music? Your new room mate will make it!
Trouble with the wife? Your fucking problem!

get your new roomie TODAY!!!!

Will not deliver. Pick up. Cash and carry.

Location: Williamsburg
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

response 1:

trassy milly to sale-macq5-132.
show details 4:59 PM (3 hours ago)
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


Is this item still available forsale..


my reply:

Jean Grae to trassy
show details 5:20 PM (2 hours ago)
Yes! available for pick up today. Will accept liquor totalling $1,001.00 as well as cash.


their response:

trassy milly to me
show details 5:46 PM (2 hours ago)

Am okay with the price of this Unit and the condition of items
and we will like to make an outright purchase of this particular item
immediately because we are in need of it and we want to get as soon as
possible, I anticipate that a Money Order or certified check will be
sent to you via express mail or ups or Fedex as the mode of payment,
concerning the pickup, i will be responsible for that, where the mover
will come for the pick up at your location upon your confirmation of
receiving the payment and i want you to remove this Unit from the AD
now. So i will send the payment which will include the pick up
charges, in which you will make payable to the mover via money
gramm/Western union immediately after you have receive the payment and
you will be compensated with $10 extra for your running around to the
money gram/Western union outlet to avoid the delay. And I would
really love to come for the viewing but due to my work frame that
might not be possible..I want you to provide the
following payment information.
full name ...........................................
full home address (physical
City................................................
state................................................
zip code..............................................
tel#..................................................

As soon as this
is provided i will let you know when payment is mailed out and i will
update you on when you will receive the payment and give you
instructions on what to do.Here is my number incase you want to speak with
me 206 202 2980...thanks and i hope we handle this in good faith.
Thanks.




(wow)

My response:

Jean Grae to trassy
show details 6:03 PM (1 hour ago)
Dear "Thanks" (as you didn't include your name)

I'm really disappointed that you would take the time to write this very elaborate and detailed message, only to give me a fax number to contact you. My room mate aka the ITEM in question is actually crying right now. Mostly from the daily scheduled beating, but after calling the fake number, she became increasingly upset. I've had to restrain her and let me tell you, this is no easy job.
Now you've upset all of us.. And by ALL I mean, myself, the ITEM, and the ITEMS parents. I had to call them over to calm her down. She usually responds well to being berated and called "stupid stupid stupid face".
Again, this has really taken a lot out of my day and time.
If you didn't want to purchase my room mate, you shouldn't have contacted me.

You have failed as a human being.

"NO THANKS"







I'll post more soon.. we really need to get her sold though..

Dopplegangers .. another blog repost. I'm lazy.

DOPPELGANGERS!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: scared
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
OK, I know I drink.
I know I have been a lot of places.
I know quite a few people.
Some of these combined events and people I do not remember.
So, this being said...

There are times when I see a picture with myself in it and do not remember the circumstances surrounding the capturing of the visual.

It happens.

Usually I can look at my clothes and the surroundings and go, "Ohhhh! I remember that!"

Well, like 9 out of 10 times.

This one stumped me.

I don't remember owning the shirt and jacket.

Its a black leather jacket(quite like the one that I own)only it has no collar.

It's a shirt I would wear....but I don't think I have that shirt.

And damnit, in my defense, I know Psalm One.

We have DEFINITELY taken a flick or 2 together.

Yup..

But something didnt seem right..

My fingers look different.

I think..

I had to do some further research.

This is NOT myself and Psalm One.

So, Hello Black Rock and Lo Lo!

You are officially our doppelgangers... At least in this picture.

Or, we are yours...if you're older.

or.. its us.. and we black out and become other personalities.
or..they do.

This is very very Tyler..

You be the judges.
doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ...*creepy twilight zone music*

Return of The Gangster Gonzo

I haven't been here in a bit, I know. I missed it too. Let's all hug and- HEY! CUT THAT OUT!
Anywillies.... I've just moved into a new place, which is kinda pretty much empty right now. This television is entirely to small for this place. It looks stupid. But hey... at least I have a tv.

So...

I was sitting here thinking about my antics and adventures of past and just sorta missing myself. I haven't been nearly as ridiculous, spontaneous or feeling capable of coming up with, let alone EXECUTING harebrained schemes like I used to.

I think I need to kick them into full gear again.

Them was fun times.

In order to inspire myself into ..err.. being myself, I've decided to share some of these stories with you.
Some are far too incriminating to, ah fuck it.. I'll work my way into those.

You should know... I'm completely insane. I think I've been insane by NOT living up to my comedic life potential. I loved it.
This is REALLY "Life With Jeannie"

I start you off with:

STRIPPER CLOWN

There is a bar I used to frequent in Brooklyn. By "frequent" I mean "live in".
I was pretty much a bar fixture at that point. I never paid for drinks, my friend had just opened a restaurant there, so I ate for free (thank GOD, cause I was dead ass broke) and I did random things that a bar worker would do. Played my ipod, helped clean things, rewrote the menu and generally just supplied crazy antics for patrons and workers alike.
I loved that bar.

I promise to tell more tales from the location.

Moving along....

One day, Steve (we'll call him Steve) was putting up flyers for a magazine party that was going to be taking place at the bar. It was a very sarcastic flyer, filled with promises of imaginary and outlandish things that would be at said party. Hipster dry humor. VERY IRONIC.

I really can't say that I remember all the other kooky things that were promised... The one that really stood out to me, was : STRIPPER CLOWN.

"Wait, wait.. Is that real? Are they gonna have a stripper...clown?"

"I don't think so Jean."

Now see, in my thinking.. the only way to make this situation work, was to supply something as ironic as, "Stripper Clown".
This destroying the irony, rendering it ineffective.

"Well, where are the gingerbread dobermans?" people would ask..
"And what of the heroin induced reindeer conga line?"
I don't recall if these things were on the list, I'm just giving you an example, so you can see where "Stripper Clown" fits in.

I went home to plan.. after telling everyone at the entire bar and all who came in, that I would indeed, come to the party as "Stripper Clown".
No one was really surprised, you have to understand the kind of fuckery I really get into. It's great.

I went home to plan.
The party may have been in a couple of days.. I think so..

OK.. So..

First off, I needed to really understand my "Stripper Clowns" motivation.
Was I initially a stripper?
Did I start off as a clown?
Why would I be at that party?
What should I DO once AT the party?

Difficult, yet important questions. I couldn't come off as a fake "Stripper Clown"... People would read me like a .. fuck... people don't read anymore.. you get what I'm saying.

Less importantly, though you would think MORE, was wardrobe.

Clear Heels .... CHECK!
Fishnet Tights...CHECK!
Striped leg warmers...CHECK!!!
Gold Lame Hotpants....CHECK!
I could be shamed at things I already owned, but I'm quite proud.. ready for ANY situation.. ANY time. I continued looking.
Big Tie....CHECK!!!
Ridiculously tight babydoll..CHECK!!!!
Purple Wig.....CHECK!!!!
*note on purple wig, I wore this out to lunch with the guy I had a crush on (who is now my boyfriend) I wore an army hat over it to "tone down" the severity of the wig.
Mans style vest.....CHECK!!!!
Tiny, teeny, tiny skirt (same level as the shorts..I'm not THAT crazy) CHHHHHHHECK!!!!!!!

Let's see.. sock.. yes..
Giant thigh high tube sock filled with sugar tied with a knot to thwart off dirty fuckers....CHEEEEEYEECK!!

Well, the night I was prepping to go to the party, I felt great.
I had decided on my motivation.
I was a stripper.... business had been rough. I had started doing children's parties in hopes of making a second income.
Problem was, my stripping set was in the day time, children's parties were in the daytime... so I had to make a collaborative costume.
No, I didn't have a car to change in, I took the bus..
No, there was no dressing room at the strip club, the back of the club had burnt down in a crazy bonding glue and Alizé fire.
No, I couldn't get changed at the houses of the children's parties. I had tried that before and gotten arrested for prostitution at the bus stop. Without the clown make-up, it's really not a good look..

I drew on the red nose, painted the sad clown mouth and eyes, painted : "$20 Lapdances" on my cheek, threw on a long black coat and I was ready to go.

My friend picked me up (afore friend mentioned..lets call him "the guy")... apparently he told me later that I looked HOT...not later that night, lol.. like WAY later.

As soon as we got out of that car, motherfucker.. It started to snow. Oh no.. Fucking clear heels..
But, it was hilarious. I explained my plight to many, "combinin' these two muthafuckin' jobs sheeeeet" and they listened..
They took pictures.. they were happy. I had a blast.

We stayed at my other friends house that night and by morning, there was about 2 feet of snow on the ground.
"The guy" left, to go to a family Christmas party.

It took about 5 minutes after he left to realize... "Holy shit.. How the fuck am I going to get home in this?"
My homegirls house we were at didn't provide a lot for me. Sadly, my feet are waaay smaller...shit.. my whole body was too small for her clothes. Plus, she had to go back to work to prep the kitchen. (the bar).
I was too broke to take a cab home. I texted "the guy". He asked if I wanted to come to his mom's house for the party.

"Uhmmm... You.. you know what I'm wearing..right?? You DO remember... I don't think that's a good idea."

I decided to just say fuck it and go back to the bar in the same outfit, until he would be done with his family function and be able to take me home.

That night in the bar, I ended up hosting karaoke that was sung LOUDLY over another party going on in the back of the bar. Everyone was AMAZING... I was still in the outfit.. I just had to own it...

Kweli came through....just in case you want to verify this story.

When "the guy" arrived, we all ended up going to Kwe's house for more drinks. I had to be carried to and from the car because of the snow. NO way you can get through blizzard snow in BK with clear heels on.

But I still.. had a GREAT time... I got home.... and laid "Stripper Clown" to rest.

Long live the legend... of "Stripper Clown"

That's the only picture I have from the whole damn event.. I hate that I don't have a view of the whole outfit. sigh..
He kept that sock filled with sugar in the front of the car for months..

Welcome to the REAL LIFE WITH JEANNIE... and.. you're welcome