Cocks, Balls and Hangy Pools = PENTHOUSES!

Yet another throwback blog. Some really funny shit from that year. ENJOY!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Cock The Balls..oh oops. Rock The Bells
So, last month.. I'm in San Francisco at this party outside. This guy I've known for awhile comes outside, says hello, looks at my outfit and says, "Ohhhh, look at YOoooOOoU!!!! Like, hey!!! I can look good too!!!"

Am I wrong for being offended at this? WTF? You say that to women? WOW.

What the fuck ?
Did I have soot all over me before?
Was it the burlap sack with twine I was wearing prior to you seeing me?
WTF kind of comment is that?

Anyway..

Some short tidbits that have happened as of recent.

I got security escorted out of RTB catering tent for threatening to take the chef down to Chinatown. That's right.. Fight him...
Classsic lines from this episode include:

Me: " What fucking time do you get out of work??? I will take you down!!! I will meet you ....OUTSIDE of the parking lot!!!!"

This is funny because the venue was located in a very large parking lot.
I wanted to tell him to throw down in the parking lot.
I couldnt.

The security for RTB: "You can't fight him."

Me : " Oh I won't fight him in here."

S: " I cant have you fighting him anywhere... not in the streets either."

Me: "Oh, I think I can....You can't tell me what to do outside. This conversation is over. GOOD DAY! I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!!!!!"


Another security guard later : " You know, you and Flava Flav are the only 2 people to get kicked out of catering.But he didn't get security escorted out. "

Security: " I'm gonna need you to leave."
Me: "You're gonna have to bring a lot more heavy motherfuckers to get me the fuck out of here. Fuck! I can't have any fucking chicken? No salad? Well fuck you and your food. Fucking catering chef. Fuck off."


Chef apologizing later.... goes to hug me

Me: " I don't think so. Listen, we're at the point we're I'm shaking your hand and not punching you in the face.. Let's end our relationship here."


another episode:

Vegas (not part of the RTB tour..just in the middle of it)

Me: "But...where's the hangy pool??? I specifically asked for the Fantasy room with the hangy pool!!! Now there's no pool!! What are we supposed to do?? The pole in our room doesnt spin and it's dangerously close to the bed. We can't use that!! Now the outside pool is closed.. There's no hangy pool.. I don't know. We are very dry. Very dry and sad. "

They gave us the penthouse.




Chicago:

E: 'Why am I always tired when I hang out with you? I never sleep!! It's not healthy. It's not right. I think I have grey hairs. I'm so tired.. Ok.. well.. the suns not coming up for another 30 minutes.. That's enough to play more hangman.. I'm so tired."

Also, I ordered a drink at the bar. We spoke to the bartender for awhile. He was sweet, older white guy...wanted to know what the hell we were doing at the rap concert. 5 minutes later, I go to pick up my drink. It has disappeared.

What the??

From in front of me?

There's a cup with ice in it.. but no beverage. Weird.

He pours me another. We walk away. Go watch Wu. 2 minutes later I take a sip. There's nothing in it.

"what the fuck kind of cruel trick cup joke is this???"

Theres a hole in the bottom of the cup... sigh.


I'll tell you guys more stories later.

My life is ridiculously funny.

I'm taking up the accordion. I'm so serious.
I'll post a picture tomorrow.

If Just thinks he can take out my accordion skills.. He's got another think coming.


Also, thanx Kweli, Guru, 9th, Corey.. Sounds great. I'm excited.

Guru.. you are made of magic. Small particles of glued together stardusty magic.


And by the way, next time motherfuckers book an entire rap tour without one female on it..... I'm fucking buying some tools from North Korea. To take you down. To fucking Chinatown. Assholes.